


Give Me Therapy

by stylinsonshipping



Category: Larry - Fandom, Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: Angst, Broken Harry, Fluffy, Happy Ending, Kisses, M/M, Sad, Self Harm, Suicide, attempted suicide, harry crying, idk what else..., larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-01-22
Packaged: 2018-01-09 16:00:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1147911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylinsonshipping/pseuds/stylinsonshipping
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Loosely based on the song "Therapy" by All Time Low*<br/>Harry is sad, actually he's depressed. He's been depressed for a very long time and he has a good way of hiding it, except his boyfriend Louis Tomlinson.<br/>(AKA Harry is depressed and wants to kill himself but Louis saves him and yeah)<br/>Sorry for the typos :(</p><p>**this is so bad lmao 15 year old me was dumb</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give Me Therapy

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning!  
> So I've been working on this for a very long time and I'm actually really proud. This is sort of based of the song "Therapy" by All Time Low.  
> I hope you like it.
> 
> **again wrote this when i was 15, i apologize in advance

Therapy 

My ship went down in a sea of sound  
When I woke up alone,  
I had everythingA handful of moments, I wished I could change  
And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade

Harry didn't know when or why things went wrong. He was lying on his bed grabbing the cover and breathing slowly. He felt the similar itch in his hands that he had felt many times before. He tried to fight his urge but slowly the voice in his head was taking over. "You know your a fail Harry, right? Just a little nothing" the voice taunted. He shut his hands over his ears trying to block out the noise. "Just give in Harry you know he doesn't actually love you. He just feels bad because you are such a loser". "NO!" Harry screamed into his empty room. The voice was talking about Louis. 

Louis was Harry's boyfriend of three years. They started dating when they met on the X-factor and instantly fell in love. Louis helped Harry forget about all the pain and abuse he went through before. All the memories of bullying, parents fighting, and self hatred left Harry's mind because of Louis. Of course Louis never actually found out about him but he helped him without knowing. That meant the world to Harry. 

Sometimes he would wake up alone and he was still unhappy. Even with all the fame, money, and fans that he had. We had everything but happiness and He didn't understand why. The voice in his head told him that he didn't deserve any of it. He believed it.  
In a city of fools, I was careful and coolBut they tore me apart like a hurricaneA handful of moments, I wished I could changeBut I was carried away  
Harry always knew that he was gay. He just didn't know why people found it so bad. Some of his friends stopped talking to him after he came out. His own father abandoned him because of his sexuality. Then, management stepped in. 

Management was the worst of all. Constantly telling Harry and Louis that they couldn't stand next to each other or talk to each other. During interviews they were either in separate rooms or on further sides of the room. If the fans even suspected one tiny thing that could some how link Harry and Louis together they stopped it. They made Louis date this girl named Eleanor Calder who Harry loathed. And she knew it and used that against him. Whenever she had to come to events with them she would always rub Louis is everyone's face. Holding his hand, kissing him, and whisper random things into his ears. Louis knew that this bothered Harry but he couldn't do anything. He wasn't allowed to. Then Louis started hanging out with Eleanor more. Going to her house, being pictured together, for a period of time Louis ignored Harry. He almost forgot his birthday if it wasn't for Niall tweeting Harry "Happy birthday". He only spoke to him when they were at concerts or in the limo on the way to award ceremonies.

This hurt Harry even more. Watching them broke him inside, slowly. Of course Louis comforted him when he was sad but not all the time. Hiding his emotions was so easy for the boy. It was like a game that he could almost never loose. It almost amused Harry on how well he could manipulate people into thinking that he was fine. But in reality he was broken. Which was probably the reason why he went over the edge and lead to his own self destruction.

Give me a therapy,  
I'm a walking travesty  
But I'm smiling at everything  
Therapy, you were never a friend to me  
And you can keep all your misery

He sat on his bathroom floor, letting his tears fall from eyes. He dug his nails into thighs in anger. Sometimes he would wake up in different places in his room or house because he had cried himself to sleep. If Louis still lived with him he would come and find him and make him feel better. But Louis wasn't allowed to live with him anymore. Management forced Harry to move out to a different house a few streets away from the other boys. That was when Harry finally shattered. He thought of it has reaching his breaking point. Then he turned towards an addiction that could never stop. 

He reached for his tiny black box that he filled with his memories. Pictures of his friends, family, the band, basically everything that mattered. Some little figurines that him and his sitter Gemma used to play with when they were younger. There was also his X-factor number and a picture of him and Louis. It was of them cuddling in their bunks back in the X-factor days. He quickly turned over the paper and saw what he needed. The shiny metal stood out from everything else in the box. He grabbed it with a shaky hand and walked to the bathroom. He sat down and lifted his shirt and removed his pants. He looked in the mirror and frowned. Light scars covered his hips, arms, and thighs. He looked at himself in disgust pointing out all of this flaws. The voice in his head told him that he was ugly and fat. He believed him. With a shaky hand he slid the blade across his pale skin leaning a trail of blood on his arm. He winced in pain but suddenly felt the comforting numb feeling that he longed for. He continued to leave small red lines that marked his skin. His tears fell on his cuts making them sting. After he was done he ran his arms under cold water. After he applied some healing cream and bandaged his arm. Harry slowly dragged himself to his room. He grabbed his sweat pants and awhile t-shirt. he slipped them on and grabbed a sweater just incase someone knocked on his door. He climbed up the stairs into a small loft that lead to his balcony. He would spend most of his time up there just doing random things. He hid away from everyone if the pain got too much. Sometimes he would stand on top of his balcony and feel the wind against his skin. He wanted to jump so badly but something always stopped himself. 

Harry liked to walk around with his scars exposed. As sick as it sounds, he likes the feeling of showing them off. The feelings of the breeze against his marred skin made him feel more numb and cold inside. Usually people left him alone and after his restraining order against the paparazzi no one bothered him. Thankfully his fellow band members never cared to check up on him. Not even Louis. 

My lungs gave out as I faced the crowd  
I think that keeping this up could be dangerous  
I'm flesh and bone, I'm a rolling stone  
And the experts say I'm delirious

One night that Harry always remembered was when they were having a show in London and he kept on messing up. His voice was sore the whole day so when it came time to sing, things got worse. He had to ask Zayn to sing two of his solos which killed him inside. He disappointed the fans. The fans that payed a ridiculous price to see them. He couldn't help but feel like crap. Loosing it in front of all of those people. And to make things worse management was beyond mad at Harry. They yelled at him for what seems like hours but was actually minuets. He had to agree to stay after rehearses for extra vocal lessons to make up for what he had done. 

That was the first night that Harry hurt himself. He hid in the guest bathroom and only created a few small red marks. He didn't want the boys to notice so he started out small. Then gradually the marks began to spread all over and got deeper. That night he ran into Louis room and cried. He cried in Louis's arms as he whispered "I'm sorry" and "I love you" in Louis's ear. Of course Louis never found out what Harry really did, he just thought that he was upset about that night. He comforted Harry until he stopped crying. Harry clung on to Louis all night until he feel asleep. He woke up and and went into his own room to go to his to cry some more.   
Give me a therapy,  
I'm a walking travesty  
But I'm smiling at everything  
Therapy, you were never a friend to me  
You can take back your misery

He tried to get help. He tried so hard to be happy again. But he always failed. He tried to be clean from cutting but he always found himself relapsing. He always found himself standing on his balcony holding his life in his own hands.  
\------------------------------------------  
"Okay boys you're on in five" Paul said to the boys. Harry felt his stomach twist making him feel even more nervous then he already was. He fiddled with his ear piece trying to distract him from everything that was going on. The other boys joked around and talked while Harry sat in the corner. "Hey you're gonna do great babe you're amazing" Louis said to him. He placed a quick kiss on his cheek before Paul led them to the main stage. The screams of the fans got louder as the first couple beats of Up All Night started playing. They walked out on the stage and everything hit Harry like a ton of bricks. The lights almost blinded him and He was nervous as fuck. He shakily sang his solo trying to get it over with as soon as possible. The fans screamed in response which He guessed was a good thing. Through out the entire concert he messed up in little places or he didn't sing his solo to his fullest ability. He felt a weight of guilt build up inside of him as the concert progressed. He had to leave the show for a few minuets because he was too overwhelmed. The boys thought that he just needed to use the bathroom but in reality he was crying in the bathroom.

He left the bathroom and dried his eyes. As he walked he heard a voice call out his name. He turned around and a girl who looked about 14 or 15 years old was standing with a pen and paper. "Hi love you enjoying the show?" He asked trying to cover up his tears. "The show is amazing. I just want to ask, are you okay? I saw you walking in the bathroom" She asked. "I'm okay. Don't worry. Do you want me to sign anything?" He asked, moving on from the subject. "Um yeah can you sign this please? Thank you so much". She handed me a piece of paper with the words "Thank you for saving me" with pictures of the boys on it. There was a tiny picture of the girl in the corner of the paper. She was lying in a hospital bed with multiple needles and tubes running through her body. "Wow. You are amazing" Harry said in awe. He signed the paper and handed it back to the fan. "Thank you so much Harry I love you! Have a good rest of the show" then the girl left, running back to her seat. He smiled at the thought that he saved someone. But his spirits were suddenly crushed when he had to return to the stage.

"Well look who we have here!" Liam said, making the fans scream loud. Lights flashed every second, making his eyes squint."Did someone get lost" Niall teased. "Haha, little Harry gets very confused sometimes" Louis said laughing at Harry. The fans started screaming things like "Oh Harry what are you going to do with you" and "You are so stupid". Everyone knew that harry was sensitive but I guess they didn't care tonight. Harry just faked a laugh and continued on with the concert. He tried to hide the fact that he was hurt by his fellow band members by smiling and holding back his tears. 

Finally the lights went out and the concert was over. "Good show boys! Harry, can I speak with you" John, one of the vocal coaches asked him. Liam led the way for the other boys leaving Harry behind. They didn't even say good bye. 

"Sure what's going on?" Harry asked tentatively. "Harry, we pay a lot of money for this to happen. I stress everyday because of you five boys. So can you please think about that next time you go on stage?" John spat at him. "I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to" Harry stuttered. "Yeah you better of. Now go do something important, I want you to practice your harmonies all next week" He said. Harry nodded as he left the room. He ran to his car, close to tears. He avoided all the fans and the paparazzi so that he could get home faster. He speed down the street not caring about the other cars around him. Tears fell from his eyes blurring his vision. Luckily he safely got to his house in minuets. 

He threw his keys across the room in anger, not caring where they landed. Tears fell like rain from his eyes as he stormed his home. Knocking over random pictures, books, and other random that were in his way. He ran all the way up to his loft and brought out the familiar black box. He took out the picture of him and Louis and he finally lost it. Harry began to sob until the point where he couldn't breath. In a rage of anger he ripped up the picture of him and Louis just like Louis ripped Harry's heart out of him. He grabbed the tiny blade from the box and began to slice his skin open. He didn't care that the boys would probably see or the fact that he could die. He just didn't care. After creating multiple new red lines on his arms. Before he could pass out from the blood loss he stopped. He slowly got up and hobbled his way to the door. It creaked open as the cool air hit his body. He walked over to the edge of the balcony, the wind blowing in his hair. He plead his hands on the ledge and leaned over. 

Arrogant boy  
Love yourself so no one has to  
They're better off without you  
(They're better off without you)

"You're finally giving up, I'm surprised you didn't do this earlier" the demon in his mind spoke to him. "Jump Harry. No one is going to care. Not even Louis" the voice spat. "YOU'RE WRONG HE STILL LOVES ME" Harry shouted into the night sky. "Yeah that's what you think for now but wait until you see him fall in love with Eleanor. Actually, I think he already has". "Oh Louis" Harry sobbed. He grabbed on to the side of the wall to his left clinging on for his life. He sobbed and screamed into the night sky, knowing that no one would hear him.

Maybe he should jump. Maybe no one would care. Maybe the voice was right all along His feet started to loose his balance but he didn't care. The cool wind began to pick up and Harry felt a rush go through his body. He wanted to jump up. He wanted to jumps badly. He wanted to jump to end his pain. He wanted to jump for Louis. He wanted to jump for Eleanor for fucks sake. He leaned over the edge, still holding on to the pole. "FUCK YOU!" Harry screamed. He took a deep breath and wiped his falling tears. He closed his eyes and leaned started to lean. With a shaky hand he slowly let go of the wall. "I'm so fucking sorry Louis. I'm so fucking sorry" He whispered.  
Arrogant boy' Cause a scene like you're supposed to  
They'll fall asleep without you  
You're lucky if your memory remains

Louis arrived at Harry's flat looking for him. He knew that something was wrong with him. Ever since he asked to leave the concert. He walked in and found various items lying across the floor. Keys, books, and clothes. Something wasn't right. He ran up stairs to Harry's room and he wasn't there. "Fuck" He whispered under his breath. He walked up the stairs to his loft, knowing that sometimes Harry hid up there. When he reached the top he gasped.

He picked up the tiny pieces of the picture of him and Harry. His heart sunk. Why would he do this? He looked through the other contents across the floor trying to put the pieces together. A cool breeze swept across his back causing him to shiver. He turned around and saw the door leading to the balcony swinging open and closed. He picked himself up and walked outside. 

What he saw was terrifying. Harry was standing on top of the balcony, blood dripping down his arms. Louis tried to scream but he couldn't. He took a deep breath before speaking up. "No!" Louis managed to squeak out.  
Give me a therapy,  
I'm a walking travesty  
But I'm smiling at everything  
Therapy, you were never a friend to me  
You can take back your misery

"L-louis?" Harry stuttered, turning around. "Harry what the fuck are you doing?" Louis yelled. "I-I don't…..I-" Harry couldn't get his words out. He didn't know what to do or what so say. He feared any of the boys finding him in a state like this. "Baby please talk to me. Please step down" Louis pleaded. Harry began to tear up again in a state of panic. "No. I don't want to go on like this anymore Lou. I can't do this" Harry said. He began to turn around and he was going to jump. "NO! Harry please lets talk about this! Please Hazz I need you! Please come down!". Louis walked over to Harry and grabbed his hand. He tried to let go but Louis wasn't going to let that happen. Not now. "Just let me jump!" Harry screamed. "No! Why do you want to do this? I don't understand! Please baby! I care about you so much!". 

"No you don't! You spend all of your time with Eleanor! It's always her! You fucking made me move out because of her! Do you know how many times you choose her over me! FUCK YOU TOMLINSON YOU FUCKING BROKE MY HEART!". "AND NOW THE OTHER BOYS FUCKING HATE ME CAUSE I SCREW UP EVERY PERFORMANCE" He added in. Harry officially lost it. He was done. He began to sob not caring how stupid he looked. He was going to jump. He slowly leaned his body over as the wind picked up. This was it. He was going to kill himself. Louis felt his heart shatter. Everything he ever thought and knew about Harry was gone.

"Harry please listen to me. Eleanor is nothing to me. She doesn't matter at all. I promise that tomorrow I'll go to management and make them take her away. Please baby I love you not her. I promise that I will spend every single day with you and we can move back in together. I promise. We can get through this together. And that's not true about the boys. They love you. You are so talented and without you the band would fail." Louis squeezed Harry's hand, running his thumb over his hand. "Please Harry I need you" Louis softly cried. Harry gripped Louis's hand, shaking. He looked up and saw the city lights. The voice in his head seemed to disappear as he held Louis's hand. The wind blew his tears back, leaving tiny red streaks on his face. His breathing resumed to it's normal state and He was calm. He sense of relief and sadness over took his body. He almost lost balance but He had Louis behind him to support him.

Harry slowly stepped down, shaking like he saw a ghost. Louis embraced the boy in tears, holding him close. "Shh it's okay Harry. I'm here baby" Louis cooed. He left kisses on his cold cheeks and ran his fingers through Harry's curl locks. He brought the broken boy inside and brought him into the bathroom. "Come here love lets get you cleaned up" Louis said softly. Harry pulled off his shirt, reveling the scars that were scattered all over his torso, and arms. "Oh baby no". Louis kissed Harry's lips softly and placed a kiss on one of his scars of his collar bone. Harry hated how Louis was seeing him like this. Louis turned on the sink and washed the blood away from Harry's wrist. Usually this would hurt a lot but Harry was numb. Physically and emotionally. After properly cleaning his wrist Louis took out the first aid kit. He bandaged both of Harry's wrist slowly, making sure not to put too much pressure on them. 

He took out a jumper and sweatpants for Harry to wear, and tossed his blood stained clothes in the hamper. The two both laid down in bed and Louis held the shaking boy close to him. "I-I'm sorry Lou" Harry whispered before his heavy lids closed. "Shh it's okay baby just get some rest now and we'll talk in the morning". Harry instantly fell asleep in Louis's arms. He was lightly snoring in minuets. However, Louis stayed awake a while longer so make sure that Harry's heart was still beating. 

Therapy, I'm a walking travesty  
But I'm smiling at everything  
Therapy, you were never a friend to me  
And you can choke on your misery

Harry awoke slowly, thinking that this was all a dream. Everything that had happened was a blur. Standing on the ledge, Louis finding him, everything. Everything was happening all at once and Harry couldn't handle that. To his surpass Louis was curled up right next to him right where they had left off the night before. Harry left tiny kisses on Louis's face until he woke up. 

"Good morning beautiful" Louis said. "Hi Lou" Harry said softly. "Do you wanna get some breakfast?" Louis asked. Harry shook his head, pulling the closer to him. "Then what do you want to do? We can do anything that you'd like". "I'm sorry Louis. I'm so sorry" Harry apologized. "You did nothing wrong baby, there's nothing to apologize for. If anyone should apologize it should be me" Louis said. "No Lou, I'm a fail. I screw things up and I'm just an awful person. I put you through so much pain. " Harry said, too tired to even cry. "No baby don't say that. I'm sorry. I should of been there for you and I wasn't. This is all my fault".  
"No it's not. It's not your fault at all Lou. Don't ever think that. It's mine for being so stupid". Tiny tears began to form in his eyes as he spoke. "You're not stupid Harry. But why baby? Why did you almost leave me" Louis asked. 

Then Harry began to spill everything. Every detail of how he came out as gay, how is dad hated him for it, the bullying, basically everything. Then he explained how he fell head over hells for Louis and how he felt happy again. Then he explained how everything went downhill. How when Eleanor showed up he felt his heart slowly break. Then he mentioned his first time cutting. How good it felt and how bad it hurt. He told him about how the boys were making fun on him, how he was messing up during shows, and everything. He got up to the point where he was going to jump. He explained to Louis how the voice in his head told him to but it went away when he held his hand. By the end of Harry's explanation both of the boys were in tears. "Harry please please please know that I love you and I never ever want you to feel like this again". 

Louis embraced Harry and kissed him softly on the lips. He rolled up his sleeves that revealed his bandages and scars. He kissed those too. Making sure to tell him how sorry he was after each kiss. "I love you Louis" Harry said. "I love you too". 

From then on Harry was still broken, but he was slowly being fixed. He drove Harry to this therapy sessions that he apparently was seeing before but stopped after a few months. He made sure to bandage and clean his cuts every night until they healed. Whenever Harry was upset or if he relapsed Louis would be right there. Telling him that it's okay and that He loves him. After a rough year Harry was better. Not 100% but he was a lot better. He was better because of Louis and in a way Louis was better because of Harry. They both needed each other and they weren't going to let go of each other any time soon.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this was okay. Feel free to comment and stuff. :)
> 
> **nope not okay i suck at writing but thanks for reading anyway


End file.
